Ok, time to open up.
About a year ago Rob and I really started to struggle. We were not getting along. At all. It was so hard. Both of us were unhappy. We were so conflicted and confused. We knew what we were supposed to be together. We knew that Heavenly Father brought us to each other for a reason and we knew that we were sealed for time and all eternity. To question that is not fun. It's pretty heartbreaking actually. We felt so disconnected and distant from each other. We were growing apart and we were growing apart fast. I didn't know what to do. Rob didn't know what to do. We were both having thoughts of calling it off. Finally after many, many tears, fights, making up and then fighting the next day we went to see the bishop. He referred us to a counselor. I made the appointment. At first I was a little reluctant and skeptical but then I decided to be open minded because I love my Rob and I wanted to make it work. Rob was a little reclucant too.
We have been in counseling for 6 weeks now and we have never been better. I think the issue was, we are both very young and really didn't know how to be married. Our communication was really. We have now learned how to communicate better with one another and listen much better. I have never been happier in this relationship and neither had Rob. We feel so close and so in love. We still have disagreements sometimes but we both know how to work it out and get over and smile and be happy. I know without a doubt that Rob is supposed to be my eternal companion and the father of my children. I am grateful that we are getting through this now. I know that as we go through life we will run into many more struggles and trials but we will face them together.
Married friends: Have you ever been through this? What do you do when you are having problems? How do you reconnect that love?
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Well what a interesting post. I hope you don't mind your old nerdy Uncle speaking a few things! Having been there and what not, of course a million things run through my mind. I married young too. The advantage I have now is that I can look back over 20 years of experience since then and say, aha! That's where that went wrong, and that's where that went right! I really hear you when you talk about being in love and just how wonderful and fantastic those amazing feelings are. If we could only drink those whenever we got thirsty! But the problem is, we're always thirsty. My mom said, "You never get 100%, you will always see something is lacking in the other person, but you just have to look past that and see the best parts and realize that those are the parts that make up for the other parts you wish they had, but probably never will." I really appreciated hearing that from her.
ReplyDeleteAnother thought came to mind. I had a friend who later became an optometrist. As luck would have it, I would make an appointment at my eye doc and she was the one giving the exam! I hadn't seen her in 10 years. Well anyways she told me that she had been dating a guy for years but she was dragging her feet. I asked her why...she leaned in and said, "I just want someone who will sweep me off my feet...and be really romantic!...this guy is really nice, he's a great conversationalist and great in church...but, I don't know. I looked at her and a light went on for me...I said, "what you want is something to feed the ego." She looked at me and said "what do you mean?". I said, what you want is all the things that make YOU feel good. But the secret to that is, hot candles burn fastest so to speak. You can have all that a whirlwind romance but in the end, what we need, the key word being need is comfortable. Comfortable doesn't need the fancy car, the promotion, the new clothes or money in the bank. Comfortable is content in just being in harmony with a person who sees you for all that you are and you see them for all they are and its just....nice!
I learned that much later in life, but looking at my Mom and Dad, its just soo true.
So to answer your question, how do you reconnect that love, its the little things for us. The holding of hands. The laughing together. The walks, the pillow talk, surprising someone with dinner, that sort of stuff that just makes it wonderful. Of course, seeing a little ankle-biter who looks like me and his Mom is enough to keep things fun too! love you guys and that cute bb!!
holy crap, sorry, that was one hek of a long response lol!!
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