Things on my mind

As most of you know, about 6 weeks after having Carson I came down with a serious case of postpartum depression. (  I still hate admitting that) It was awful. I had no interest in doing anything. I wouldn't get dressed, shower or eat. I was always on edge and every little thing made me mad. I felt like I couldn't get out of bed to take care of my sweet baby. Some how, I always managed to be able to take care of Carson and love him unconditionally but it was the other relationships around me that were suffering. I was so crazy! My poor husband had no idea what to do. He just didn't understand. How could he? He has never been through this and he never will. Finally I got on an anti-depressant. Oh my goodness did life change!! Everything was so much better! I am so much more patient with my Rob, I keep my home pretty spotless, I like to get up and go do things and I am just much, much happier.
 The thing I worry about is the day I have to get off my happy pills. I missed one last week and boy that was not a good day. I felt exactly like I did before I got on them. Believe me, it isn't fun for anyone. The worst part is, you just can't make yourself feel better or be happy. It is physically impossible. At least for me that's how it was and other mommas I've talked to have said they felt the same. Anyway, I know that in about 5 months it will be time to start tapering my happy little friends and I am scared. I do not want to go back to feeling like I did. I don't want my relationship with Rob to go back to where it was. Everything is pretty perfect right now and I want it to stay that way.


Me before...



And us now...